Coming out of the Closet

Alright!  I’ve decided to come out of the closet and get this secret off of my chest.  I’m tired of living a double life, trying to act one way and clandestinely leading another.  It’s time for the world to know about it.  Ready?  I. Am. A. Shameless.  Flirt.  Yes, yes, yes!  It feels good to say it out loud and to write it down like this.  I am a flirt!  A flirt am I!

So, I know. It is scandalous, right?  I admit it: I flirt with anything that is living and breathing; men, women, boys, girls, dogs, cats and even birds.  Yeah.  That’s right.  Birds.  I lure them to my backyard by a super cool bird feeder that they can’t resist.  It sounds sick.  Perverted.  But I can’t deny it. I am a flirt and there is no cure for me. There’s not even a support group that can break me down and make me comply with convention. I’ve decided to fly in the face of boring relationships and go for it!  I’m out to win adoration. 

The definition of “flirting” is “a playful, romantic or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, and can involve verbal communication as well as body language.”  (Thank you, Wikipedia.)     Now, when I was much younger, I found myself to be very flirtatious.  A coquet in every way.  It was a part of my nature.  It came out of my very being and mixed itself with hormones and pheromones and honestly, it was a big part of my personality.  But I was young and flirting was a game that you played until you won.  The prize was a mate. I married, had children.  Flirting did its job.

Of course, with marriage I toned down (a lot) the sexual flirtations and saved them for my husband Bill.  But I found myself still slipping into flirtations with others, not for sexual reasons, but for deeper relationships…or just for relationships.  Period.  Relationships are hard to come by in this world and I realized that what I really was doing was flirting.  In the words of John Mayer, “So maybe I try too hard but it’s all because of this desire.  Just wanna be liked.  Just wanna be funny .”  Wise words for such a young man.  He’s a flirt, too.

I want to be liked by everyone.  I know that in my heart of hearts.  It’s a desire we all have and if you’re prone to flirting, you go out of your way to make it happen.  I noticed that those who were “asexual” flirts like me, were out-going, tended to have big personalities but nursed a bit of insecurity on the inside.  We needed people to like us to reassure us of our worth.

 Whoa… I know, I just got heavy.  But it’s true.  I talked with a guy friend one night.  He said he was an incurable flirt.  He always had been and he could recognize other flirts.  I said, “It must take one to know one.”  We laughed, but realized we were right.  I saw through to his insecurities right away.  Most people who know him think that he is a “people person”, drawing people like a magnet.  He is.  But he just wants to be liked too.  Ever heard of a people pleaser?

 Whoops….Just got heavy again!  But people pleasers like me have a hard time.  It’s not easy to flirt with everyone because everyone’s not going to flirt back and LIKE you.  We suffer rejection on a daily basis and wear ourselves out trying to make everyone happy.  Down the road, we even may burn ourselves out.  Watch out for bright stars.  They have that tendency.  I. Burned. Myself. Out.

 So, what’s the cure?  I think I have an answer, but It may take some explaining…We may need to spend a little bit of time together (wink, wink.)  So, I’ll sleep on it and share some of my secrets from the closet tomorrow.  Good night, sweetie pie.

 

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